The strong guilt in me just forced my tears to roll down, again....
I always wonder. am I on the right pathway? in the right field? medical seriously?! if I were smart enough.... I could have save mummy's life :( she never had to die. never even need to go through what she gone through. all the pain and suffer, worries and fear...all...
yeap! there's no cure for cancer. part of it is true... all required is early detection. and it makes a huge difference. as a medical student, my mum's daughter. how could i?! everyday... at least everyday I saw mummy and not noticing or had the thought, at least for once that that was cancer??! I truly think that I'm simply too selfish and being ignorant to things around me. come to think of it, most of my time was spent on studies n myself. soooo selfish! my brother always said that i was like... besides study what do I know? and.. he used to say that I'm always 'couldn't be bothered'!
well. I have to admit. in 2 years back when mummy told me there's a lump. why didn't I further explore to check? i just so confident and trust her when she said that was nothing serious! so silly... medical student huh?? so ironic. ignorant, stupid, selfish! what else am I? no curiosity and no concern!!! I'm really so disappointed for what I have done and what i have been being...
should I just quit studying? I'm not qualified to be a future doctor. not even a medical student. 'besides study. what do I know?' this phrase from my brother always remind me to learn more and take initiative to know more. but then I realised... I actually don't even know how to study. I'm no even good in it. what am I good for? good for nothing....
regret and guilt. gonna be my friends for the rest of my life..... sobz :'(
first post of the year with so negative thoughts! gosh! -.-
and.......,
happy birthday daddy!
singing out...
I need to jog to forget this crap that makes me so emo!
